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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744631">Run, Ben... Run!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lubamoon/pseuds/Lubamoon'>Lubamoon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo is alive, English, Español | Spanish, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, POV Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben Solo, Songfic, Spanish Translation, The Author promises that Ben will return, World Between Worlds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:28:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,905</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744631</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lubamoon/pseuds/Lubamoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Reylo Jukebox Exchange.<br/>Song: "Run Boy Run" by Woodkid</p><p>After disappearing in Exegol, Ben continues his existence elsewhere, listening the voice of someone who wants him back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Reylo Jukebox Exchange</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Run, Ben... Run!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedRoseWhite/gifts">RedRoseWhite</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  </p><hr/><p>How many times have I opened my eyes in the dark to wake up from a nightmare, only to discover that there was no light waiting for me?</p><p>The dark, heavy emptiness spreading over me, blinding me, suffocating me.</p><p>I remember the panic, the dread. The certainty that it was not something as simple as a nefarious illusion because the voices were still there when I woke up. The dream never ended, the nightmare was my reality.</p><p>How many times did I wake up in another delirium, this time knowing that I was asleep and could wake up, wanting to do so but not knowing how? Despair and helplessness, two emotions that I have the unpleasant delight of knowing too well.</p><p>And at the end of those dreams when I opened my eyes wide, my dilated pupils trying to focus on the small flame trembling at the end of my consciousness. The stoic spark of light that I methodically drowned out, without quite succeeding.</p><p>But I know it very well, I knew it since ever. Hope only makes things worse.</p><p> </p><p>I remember wanting to move my hands with frenzy and without managing to shake them even a little, as if I were fighting against invisible, irremediable ties. Trapped in a kind of sleep paralysis with my mind on fire and attentive, desperately wanting to command the rest of my body without success.</p><p> </p><p>I recognize the feeling, it's the same one I felt for most of my life.</p><p>And this is my world now, my new prison.</p><p>The darkness doesn't want to abandon me after all. And maybe that's what I deserve.</p><p> </p><p>Hundreds, thousands of monsters are coming. I can hear them, I can feel them even before they are within reach, though I can't tell their shapes because my eyes are open but I can't see.</p><p>They are close. They will try to take a part of me: feet or hands, my heart or my soul. They want to hurt me, but haven't they done enough already? Do they think there is something else left in me that they can claim in the name of darkness?</p><p>Of course they're going to hurt me, they did it before. Why shouldn't they do it now?</p><p>But this time it's different. I can't feel pain anymore. I just can't.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sure it wasn't always this way, even though it seems like an eternity has passed since it all began, since I'm here floating in nothingness with the monsters lurking and their little, infinite yellow eyes watching me without me being able to defend myself. Why don't they just finish me off and leave me alone?</p><p> </p><p>I had a life before, but I've ruined it. I wasted it. I know that now.</p><p>I was loved, I was cherished once. But I didn't realize until now that the pain I caused others was a side effect of the immense damage I caused myself in the first place. And why? I was used, blinded by power. I was convinced that I had potential, that I was an heir destined to change the destiny of everything that exists. And maybe I was, but anger took the place in my soul that love should have.</p><p> </p><p>Where am I?</p><p>Does it matter now? I could take the punishment, but the worst part of this sentence is that my mind and soul will continue to torture me forever even though I don't have a body capable of bleeding. How is that even remotely possible? Nothing should remain of me, I have vanished into her hands.</p><p>And yet, I am still here.</p><p>Halfway through, not belonging on one side or the other. It's the worst way to exist.</p><p> </p><p>But something is happening out there, if I can call it that.</p><p>I feel a pressure behind me, in the place where I assume my head is, although I can't distinguish my form in this insane situation.</p><p>It's not a violent pull, it's more like a caress near my ear, a sound that at times is soft and distant, almost relaxing. But it intensifies, slowly and regularly as if it were a heartbeat, the constant pulse of life.</p><p> </p><p>Now I hear it clearly, it is the rhythm of a drum beating ever louder.</p><p>It starts in my spine and extends to the extremes, up and down, until the darkness dissolves and small white lines appear that I can barely see, but they glow with violence, hurting me a little.</p><p>Finally I manage to see them, I think they point to something, maybe a path. There are too many of them, many directions. Should I follow any of them?  But... which one?</p><p> </p><p>I hear a voice inside me. It's different from the others, the voice is trying to guide me. Is it trying to save me? A little fear shakes me. Why can I hear it but not see it?</p><p>A gentle, warm voice. She knows me and doesn't want to let me go. She says it's not my time yet. And she wants me back.</p><p>I certainly remember <em>that</em> voice.</p><p> </p><p>But I have no illusions. How can she be so sure that her world isn't better off without me? It's enough for me to know that my sacrifice was worth it, that thanks to my departure, she's well. But is it really so?</p><p>The voice - her unmistakable voice - breaks, her feelings for me overflow. I listen to what she says and punish myself for being guilty of causing them. She feels a tear, as if half her soul has been torn out.</p><p>I understand perfectly, because that's how I feel. And I'm surprised. Because I begin to notice that I am able to feel the way my body is violently disarmed, an almost real pain, an eternally open wound that is unable to heal.</p><p>It's not fair. Of course it's not. And I don't think about it for me, but for her. She deserves better than this, she shouldn't feel any more anguish or pain. Especially not for someone like me. Do I still hurt her in death?</p><p>Death? No. I'm not dead. I don't think any of this would happen if I were.</p><p>Why am I still here? Why do I keep hearing her voice?</p><p>Why is it suddenly as loud and clear as when she and I connected through space and - perhaps - time through the Force?</p><p> </p><p>Again, I feel someone pressing my chest where my heart should be. And I feel hot when I should feel cold, as if the spark inside me could still burn, the little flame she could see through my mask, the light she fed so that I could come home.</p><p>That vein of light that brought me so much suffering. Or was it a vein of darkness?</p><p>They all fought over my soul as I struggled to stay whole. And right at the end of my life, I succeeded. But at what cost? Clearly, the cost of losing everything.</p><p>If only I was sure this was the end. I would let myself be led by the will of the Force, or whoever is manipulating this macabre game.</p><p> </p><p>But the voice does not give up, it does not abandon me. It repeats and repeats that it does not intend to let me go.</p><p>I distinguish the shape of a hand, against the light of the first stars that begin to appear above and below, all over the place. Her hand is strong and lethal, I know it well. It is also pure and determined.</p><p>How I longed to intertwine those fingers with my own!</p><p>I remember the electrifying warmth of touching her, the energy flowing through us. She didn't accept me, I wasn't ready. But I am now. And maybe she is too.</p><p>What a cruel irony. I don't have hands to shake hers anymore.</p><p>I said no, I don't want to get my hopes up. But the desire to see her again is so strong that I fear that my body - if I have one in this evil place - will break into a thousand pieces and melt with the stars that now shine brighter than before.</p><p> </p><p>How long have I been here? Has it been years or seconds since I left?</p><p>My last memory was of her. Her lips on mine, her eyes dancing with relief and her sweet voice, calling me by the name that I hated so much and had such a hard time getting back.</p><p>
  <em>Rey</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers are moving in search of mine. Am I dreaming again? No, this is something else. Her hands are holding mine and I feel the jolt again. But this time it's stronger. The tremor below me is overwhelming, as if the ground were shaking.</p><p>The heat - her heat - is like a light passing through me, flooding my arteries, muscles and skin. My bones become tidy, my body is composed again. My leg is broken, my ribs are broken from the fall. I am feeling pain again.</p><p>The pain reminds me of life. Because I couldn't be feeling all this without a body. The pain is physical. The suffering is real.</p><p>But so is she. And I feel like she's pulling on me with all her might.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand now leads me through a white window, - or is it a portal? - with strange symbols spinning. I ask myself for the last time if I should follow her, but I already know the answer and I accept it without hesitation. Of course I do! I don’t understand how this is possible and I will avoid thinking about what will happen next.</p><p>I concentrate on reaching out to her. Her voice is now an echo, distant and repetitive, but as I get closer I hear it as if it were surrounding me.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Run, Ben!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I think that's what she's asking me. I won't wait. I stand there in awe at being able to see my body, my hands and my feet on the platform suspended in the void.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Run, Ben!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It means everything to me, it means I'm worthy. She is giving me another chance and assures me that she never lost faith in me.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Run, Ben!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Which way? I can't feel her hands anymore, her fingers intertwined, but instead there is a blue dot that moves, flaps and shines with its own light and flies away to show me the right way. I know I must follow the butterfly soon, or it will be too late.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Run, Ben!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Everything hurts, yes. But I don't care about that. I didn't care before when I felt the life drain out of her body, and the memory of that pain is like a punch in the stomach that takes my breath away.</p><p>It's better that way. The pain reminds me that I'm alive.</p><p>And soon we'll be together.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Run, Ben!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Run, Ben!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Run, Ben!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I'll run forever, or just for a moment. I'll run like I've never run before, like when I came to this place to save her.</p><p>Now is Rey who will save me.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And when I open my eyes, it's theirs I see.</p><p>There is no darkness anymore. Dreams will be dreams or nightmares, but Rey will always be my reality, she will always be there and I will be able to see every one of her awakenings.</p><p> </p><p>Now she accepts my hand.</p><p>And it is as I always imagined it would be.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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